COUNTRY HEAVEN

COUNTRY HEAVEN

As a cell phone rang up in Heaven
"HELLO, DARLIN" Conway said
"Do y'all sell blue suede shoes?"
"Oh my God; Carl Perkins must be dead!"

He ran to tell Patsy Cline
"Hey! Carl's on his way!"
She said "I'LL FALL TO PIECES"
Mama Cass moaned "MONDAY, MONDAY."

Roy Orbinson heard about it
Then passed it on to John
"IMAGINE"; Carl's flying up tonight
And Lennon sang his song.

Roy saw Karen in the clouds
"PRETTY WOMAN", have you heard?
Ms. Carpenter shook her head
But she said not a word.

He repeated "Carl Perkin's is joining us
He'll be here for dinner!"
She just turned up her nose & said
"I wish that I was thinner!!"

Ms. Cass heard the conversation
Said "Can I have what she don't eat?"
Elvis said "THAT'S ALL RIGHT, MAMA"
Find a BIG star and take a seat.

Now Sonny was a newcomer
And always acted vague
As soon as he saw Dottie West
He screamed: "I GOT YOU , BABE!"

Now Dottie had a thing for Conway
He was just her type
But Jim insisted "HE'LL HAVE TO GO"
'Cuz Mr. Reeves had HER in sight.

While they argued over Dottie West
Floyd Cramer played "LAST DATE"
Like Sonny, he too was new
He'd just now met his fate.

"Carl musta gotton lost", God said
"Maybe coming here through Nebraska"
"Nope" sang Johnny Horten
"He's going "NORTH, TO ALASKA."

"DON'T BE CRUEL" Elvis said
Then he began to grin
Listening to John Denver's
"HEY, IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK HOME AGAIN."

Perkins showed up 'round midnight
Was looking for his shoes
God asked "Would you like some wine?"
And Carl lost his blues.

Elvis almost died of laughter
But he was born again
"Thank you very much" he told God
Who said "Son, gluttony's a sin!!"

"I'M JUST SO PROUD TO BE HERE"
They all heard Minnie Pearl say
And David Houston was "ALMOST PERSUADED"
To join her, on knees and pray.

They all searched for Charlie Rich
To help them with their chores
But Mama Cass was not tellin'
He was with her "BEHIND CLOSED DOORS."

Elvis said " I'll have it MY WAY"
As he ate most of Karen's rejections
And Sonny can't wait for Nov. 15th
To find out who won the elections!

The weeks had turned into months
As they watched the Braves play the Marlins
Later, Karen sang with Patsy Cline
"MERRY CHRISTMAS, DARLING."

Conway's missing Loretta
Denver's crying over Annie
They hung their tree in Heaven
And filled Karen's stocking with candy!

All alone by himself in a corner
Marty Robbins was missing his life
Night after night he kept singing
"MY WOMAN, MY WOMAN, MY WIFE."

Then God announced "Guess who's coming?"
As they all held their breath
"RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER"
Now there's only eight reindeer left.

Faron Young just could not adjust
And people in Nashville knew
'Cuz an Angel delivered his message
"MY SHOES KEEP WALKING BACK TO YOU."

Faron truly loved Dottie West
But Roger Miller met her first
In a panic, Roger sang "DANG ME!"
When he saw Faron leave the hearse.

Richie Valens spent all his time
Teaching Spanish to Jesus
"LA BAMBA, LA BAMBA, LA BAMBA"
While Mama ate reeses-pieces.

That made Roy Acuff hungry
So he left to ask Grampa Jones:
"Sir, might I ask "WHAT'S FER SUPPER?"
"Cornbread, cheese grits and moon pie scones."

Now goody-two-shoes Ricky Nelson
Just tried to stay out of view
He couldn't stand Buddy Hollie's
"MAYBE, BABY, I'LL HAVE YOU."

"I'M SO LONESOME I COULD DIE"
A big hit for Hank Williams
His words were answered right away
No chance to spend his millions.

So up in Heaven THE BEAT GOES ON
Sonny's still waiting for Cher
They're not allowed to have apples
Plenty of wine but not any beer.

Country stars living in Heaven
Few women, no liquor or sex
Hanging out on clouds of blue
Wondering who'll be next?


They didn't have to wait too long
To add to Heaven's band
Hank Snow joined with Tammy Wynette
Who sang aloud STAND BY YOUR MAN.

They're all waiting for Loretta
Tammy's watching for George
All's well in Country Heaven
Because they're with the Lord.