FOREVER HIS ANGEL
"Your cancer's back." He said it as if the swallows had come back to Capistrano; as if the snow had returned in April; as if the children had all gone back to school in the summer.
She swallowed hard as he watched for her reaction. She wasn't going to give him the tears and sobs this time; she had nothing left to give.
"How long, Doc?"
"Maybe 5, maybe 6.........months. There's still radiation and...."
"No, Dr. Latino; I won't accept any more treatment. False hope is not in my vocabulary anymore. We've tried; we've failed. I'll leave it up to God now. Thank you for your help......"
They spoke a few more minutes before he embraced her and asked if he could call a taxi or a friend. "No; I'd just as soon walk home today; please."
The autumn air had a chill to it already and she pulled her collar a bit closer and put on her gloves. He had given them to her just last Christmas and she loved them. Hands deep inside her pockets, she walked briskly past the playground where a daddy was pushing his little boy on a swing. They smiled at her and she returned the smile; the lad's missing front teeth made her smile even more.
She'd never had children of her own; her husband couldn't stand them around and wisely, she recognized this in time to prevent getting pregnant. After their divorce, she thought about adopting but her career always seemed to be in the way. Now she wished she had children of her own; today she needed to be needed.
She passed the brook where she used to watch the beavers building their dams; past the old church that now sat alone, unused and abandoned; past the old plant which was closed now but where they used to go parking. She hastened her walk and soon reached home.
That night, she got out a calendar and looked at the dates ahead. Five to six months, he'd said. She was still healthy enough to travel but where? Why? When? Suppose she was taken ill, far away from home; how would she ever manage all by herself? No; best to stay here and face the music.
Music! She turned on the radio and it seemed to soothe her soul. A cup of hot cocoa in hand, she sat by the bay window and watched all the colourful sail boats returning home for the day. The sun was beginning to set and she thought about getting some supper. She knew that it was hopeless to continue with the many pills she had been prescribed and took by the dozens. She threw them all away and felt better already.
A week later she was making her bed with her favourite warm, fuzzy sheets and her electric blanket. Her friends thought it silly to be so early with the bedding they used for winter but she just smiled and said she wanted to be prepared. Old man winter sometimes arrived unexpectedly and nothing was predictable anymore.
A month went by and she noticed her hair was not going to grow back so she continued wearing her wigs. Sometimes she just wore caps and warm hats; what did it matter? Everyone assumed she was getting better and stronger; they saw her out walking every day and early evenings she could be seen walking down by the water, sketch pad in hand. She was quite the artist!
Then, it happened. She awoke one morning before dawn and threw up some blood. The same thing happend the next morning and the next. She knew from her lengthy discussions with her doctor, that this would happen and so she accepted that it was a sign of her cancer winning the fight.
"Open the door; why aren't you answering the phone?" he asked. She put on the tea kettle and they drank tea and ate some candy from her many boxes of chocolates he had sent her. "You've not been dieting again, have you? Why so thin? My God, you're bony!"
She reassured Zack that she was fine; not to worry. "Well, I do" he said. "I'm your brother and I know I'd be the last to discover if you were ill or...."
"No; don't even say the C word. Let's play some cribbage and then I need to nap, if you don't mind."
He looked at her strangely but understood she was a very private woman and had many friends who cared about her. They'd know if something was wrong and alert him. He relaxed and let her beat him in the card game, hugged her tightly and said "See ya, sis. Try eating more often than once a day, eh?" And they laughed........
As he drove away, she waved from the window. He lived two states away and she knew it may be the last time she'd ever see him again. She thought of all the times he'd had her back; how he'd protected her from being bullied at school; how he'd helped her build an igloo, taught her to dance, to shoot a bb gun, to skin a rabbit. She began to cry.............
She locked all the doors but one; they'd need to get inside and she didn't want the door to break. The glass in it had just been replaced last spring. Her computer was on, so she deleted all of her personal stuff and turned the radio off.
Sitting quietly in her favourite bathrobe and slippers, in her overstuffed chair, she thought only of him. The phone sat nearby and she was tempted. But how to say goodbye? She weakly began to write. My, but her hand was very weak. And then she softly cried herself to sleep until the cold midnight air awakened her. But she did not go into her bedroom; instead, she turned on her favourite music & opened her bathroom medicine cabinet.......
Her friend found her in her chair the following day when she came to see if she wanted to walk with her to the Fireman's breakfast. It was Saturday morning and the sun was shining, though the air was crisp and sharp.
She had told no-one about how sick she was or that the cancer had returned after 2 years of treatment. A sealed note was beside her body with an envelope marked: "Private".... for Aiden".
It was given to him by the police after her large funeral on Monday. He walked to the waterfront but could not bring himself to open it. Through tears and loud sobs, he drove to his home and put it away.
It was Christmas and he had been to her grave which was covered in snow. He still could not believe she was gone! No-body could! She was just 51, for Heaven's sake. He had bought an engagement ring for her and had planned to propose on Dec. 24th. Why hadn't he realized sooner how much he loved her? All those wasted years......
After he got back home, he turned on the lights of his Christmas tree and listened to the carolers outside singing "Silent Night, Holy Night."
He opened her note:
"My Dearest Aiden:"
"It is an old belief
That on some solemn shore
Beyond the sphere of grief
Dear friends shall meet once more".
(John Gibson Lockhart)
And as the carolers began to sing "O Holy Night", he turned the note over and saw a drawing of himself that she had dated the night of her death. It flattered him and yet, as his tears fell on to the sketch, he saw where she had signed it: "Forever your Angel."
The next day, he went back to her grave and buried the ring deep inside her final resting spot. No-one but he knew how very much he loved and missed her. Forever his Angel.........
"Your cancer's back." He said it as if the swallows had come back to Capistrano; as if the snow had returned in April; as if the children had all gone back to school in the summer.
She swallowed hard as he watched for her reaction. She wasn't going to give him the tears and sobs this time; she had nothing left to give.
"How long, Doc?"
"Maybe 5, maybe 6.........months. There's still radiation and...."
"No, Dr. Latino; I won't accept any more treatment. False hope is not in my vocabulary anymore. We've tried; we've failed. I'll leave it up to God now. Thank you for your help......"
They spoke a few more minutes before he embraced her and asked if he could call a taxi or a friend. "No; I'd just as soon walk home today; please."
The autumn air had a chill to it already and she pulled her collar a bit closer and put on her gloves. He had given them to her just last Christmas and she loved them. Hands deep inside her pockets, she walked briskly past the playground where a daddy was pushing his little boy on a swing. They smiled at her and she returned the smile; the lad's missing front teeth made her smile even more.
She'd never had children of her own; her husband couldn't stand them around and wisely, she recognized this in time to prevent getting pregnant. After their divorce, she thought about adopting but her career always seemed to be in the way. Now she wished she had children of her own; today she needed to be needed.
She passed the brook where she used to watch the beavers building their dams; past the old church that now sat alone, unused and abandoned; past the old plant which was closed now but where they used to go parking. She hastened her walk and soon reached home.
That night, she got out a calendar and looked at the dates ahead. Five to six months, he'd said. She was still healthy enough to travel but where? Why? When? Suppose she was taken ill, far away from home; how would she ever manage all by herself? No; best to stay here and face the music.
Music! She turned on the radio and it seemed to soothe her soul. A cup of hot cocoa in hand, she sat by the bay window and watched all the colourful sail boats returning home for the day. The sun was beginning to set and she thought about getting some supper. She knew that it was hopeless to continue with the many pills she had been prescribed and took by the dozens. She threw them all away and felt better already.
A week later she was making her bed with her favourite warm, fuzzy sheets and her electric blanket. Her friends thought it silly to be so early with the bedding they used for winter but she just smiled and said she wanted to be prepared. Old man winter sometimes arrived unexpectedly and nothing was predictable anymore.
A month went by and she noticed her hair was not going to grow back so she continued wearing her wigs. Sometimes she just wore caps and warm hats; what did it matter? Everyone assumed she was getting better and stronger; they saw her out walking every day and early evenings she could be seen walking down by the water, sketch pad in hand. She was quite the artist!
Then, it happened. She awoke one morning before dawn and threw up some blood. The same thing happend the next morning and the next. She knew from her lengthy discussions with her doctor, that this would happen and so she accepted that it was a sign of her cancer winning the fight.
"Open the door; why aren't you answering the phone?" he asked. She put on the tea kettle and they drank tea and ate some candy from her many boxes of chocolates he had sent her. "You've not been dieting again, have you? Why so thin? My God, you're bony!"
She reassured Zack that she was fine; not to worry. "Well, I do" he said. "I'm your brother and I know I'd be the last to discover if you were ill or...."
"No; don't even say the C word. Let's play some cribbage and then I need to nap, if you don't mind."
He looked at her strangely but understood she was a very private woman and had many friends who cared about her. They'd know if something was wrong and alert him. He relaxed and let her beat him in the card game, hugged her tightly and said "See ya, sis. Try eating more often than once a day, eh?" And they laughed........
As he drove away, she waved from the window. He lived two states away and she knew it may be the last time she'd ever see him again. She thought of all the times he'd had her back; how he'd protected her from being bullied at school; how he'd helped her build an igloo, taught her to dance, to shoot a bb gun, to skin a rabbit. She began to cry.............
She locked all the doors but one; they'd need to get inside and she didn't want the door to break. The glass in it had just been replaced last spring. Her computer was on, so she deleted all of her personal stuff and turned the radio off.
Sitting quietly in her favourite bathrobe and slippers, in her overstuffed chair, she thought only of him. The phone sat nearby and she was tempted. But how to say goodbye? She weakly began to write. My, but her hand was very weak. And then she softly cried herself to sleep until the cold midnight air awakened her. But she did not go into her bedroom; instead, she turned on her favourite music & opened her bathroom medicine cabinet.......
Her friend found her in her chair the following day when she came to see if she wanted to walk with her to the Fireman's breakfast. It was Saturday morning and the sun was shining, though the air was crisp and sharp.
She had told no-one about how sick she was or that the cancer had returned after 2 years of treatment. A sealed note was beside her body with an envelope marked: "Private".... for Aiden".
It was given to him by the police after her large funeral on Monday. He walked to the waterfront but could not bring himself to open it. Through tears and loud sobs, he drove to his home and put it away.
It was Christmas and he had been to her grave which was covered in snow. He still could not believe she was gone! No-body could! She was just 51, for Heaven's sake. He had bought an engagement ring for her and had planned to propose on Dec. 24th. Why hadn't he realized sooner how much he loved her? All those wasted years......
After he got back home, he turned on the lights of his Christmas tree and listened to the carolers outside singing "Silent Night, Holy Night."
He opened her note:
"My Dearest Aiden:"
"It is an old belief
That on some solemn shore
Beyond the sphere of grief
Dear friends shall meet once more".
(John Gibson Lockhart)
And as the carolers began to sing "O Holy Night", he turned the note over and saw a drawing of himself that she had dated the night of her death. It flattered him and yet, as his tears fell on to the sketch, he saw where she had signed it: "Forever your Angel."
The next day, he went back to her grave and buried the ring deep inside her final resting spot. No-one but he knew how very much he loved and missed her. Forever his Angel.........
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